Location: His place Woodland Hills
Website: POF
Recap: Abolicious and I had just done the deed, but now he was in absolute guy mode- having gotten his goods and now wanted me out… but not so fast…
My interrogation began:
V: So how come it took you 3 months to reopen the door?
A: Huh?
V: I mean, why would you have me in the backseat of your car and then hustle me to my car?
A: Um, if you’re asking me if I’m looking for a relationship… I’m not.
V: Oh no, I got that sweetie. Nope I figured that one out.
A: (Attempting to change the subject) Can you scratch my back?
V: (Smiling slyly and scratching his back quid pro quo) I mean, don’t you think that’s a bit of a douche bag thing to do?
A: You’re only asking this because you’re drunk.
V: Nope, I had every intention of asking you this tonight.
A: I thought you wanted to leave, so I dropped you off.
V: No, you didn’t. But don’t worry; I’ve got plenty of questions for you this evening. And seeing as I’m drunk and will not be driving till I sober up, you’ll have to put up with me a little while longer.
We both were putting on our clothes at this point and made our way down to the kitchen. This time Abolicious made sure I had all my things… but I was just getting started.
V: Do my questions make you feel uncomfortable? Aw. Poor you. But you know you can be strait with me, you can always tell me the truth.
A: I can. Okay, that’s enough questions for this evening.
V: Awww, but they’re so much fun. Don’t you have any questions for me?
A: Not really.
V: Come on, they’re fun. It’s only fair.
A: Why are you here?
V: Because I’m attracted to you.
A: So how you feeling?
V: Well, not quite ready to get behind the wheel just yet, but don’t worry.
By this time, his roommate walked in the kitchen. I introduced myself. At some point within the banter between me, Abolicious and his roomie, Abolicious had the audacity to slap me. He did it softly, but really just to egg me on to get me to leave. But as I explained to the douche, I was still sobering up. I told him in my nice and sweet “Do not f**k with me” voice to stop. He did it again. I told him I would slap him back. He said I wouldn’t. I told him I would slap him politically.
Now he or you could think that I am full of crap. But don’t challenge a woman scorned. He was in the midst of starting a brand new job and had told me where and was physically taunting me. If I wanted to, I could mess with that. I wouldn’t really want to, because that’s just crazy, but the fact that he had the nerve to put his hands on me like that would beg for retaliation.
He stopped after that. What a f**king douche.
Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t leave till I felt I was okay. But I wasn’t done with my questions either and the more uncomfortable I could make him feel (within reason), the more pleased I became. After all his behavior, he deserved this.
After his roommate left, Abolicious showed me pictures of him, his friends and his family. This was something Aquarius had also done and I didn’t get it.
You’re not interested in a relationship with me, you’re not interested in friendship with me, quite frankly you just want to f**k me and have me leave and were of course, far more charming when I arrived then you are now… so why in the hell are you telling me about your family?
It’s a question I thought but didn’t ask. I came up with my own answer:
Because he’s a douche, that’s why.
A: I’m gonna get another tattoo on the other side (pointing to his right side of abdomen) with the name of my first born.
V: Um, don’t you want to bounce the name off your wife first?
He didn’t answer.
Ugh- really you picked out the name of your child and you haven’t even met the person you’re having it with? Might as well beat your chest and stomp your feet like King Kong, because I bet your future wife is going to put up with that. What a winner.
We sat at the poker table he had made, across from each other. The Rapid Fire began…
V: So why POF?
A: Just another tool.
V: Why me?
A: You girls always ask that, like ‘Am I special?’
Abolicious checked his cell phone and whispered, “Stop texting me.”
V: Poor you, all these hot girls are texting you and it’s such a burden. But why contact me when the door was closed, why reopen it?
A: Why not? It’s totally random.
V: How very existential of you.
A: Why me?
V: Because you’re attractive, you’re cute, you’re non-threatening. And I’m not attached.
A: I like to have sex with a lot of girls, of all ages. When I was working the bar, we would just cab it to their house.
V: Who was the craziest girl?
A: One girl bit me and I bled. I was like, ‘Please leave.’ But not in those words.
V: It’s like, “Get the f**k outta my house.”
A: Exactly.
V: So why not be strait with me from the very beginning, you were a bit mixed.
A: You never meet that person on the first date, it’s like Chris Rock says, “You’re not meeting with me, you’re meeting with my representative.”
V: Did I not clearly represent myself?
A: Sure. But I never said I wanted a relationship. If a guy wants a relationship, he says that upfront.
V: Uh it does not always happen like that.
A: Yes it does, that’s what guys do. Always.
V: While you have a point, it doesn’t always start with that intention. And it’s not that you don’t want a relationship. It’s that you don’t want a relationship with me.
Boom. Quiet. He continued his texts.
A: No more questions.
He had his points. I had mine. It couldn’t always be for every a + b = c. Life could never be so simple. If that was the case, I would never have had a relationship- because the first time around, there was no way he could have had that plan with me or I with him, because in one month, I had to go back to New York.
V: Come on, it’s fun. I’m almost finished. Besides, you had a pretty girlfriend in college.
A: I had 2 gorgeous girlfriends in college, both 2.5 years each. I never cheated.
V: Wow, good for you.
A: Before that, in high school, I was really awkward, scrawny, I didn’t get any women. My girlfriends, I spoiled them. But they were needy.
V: That has to do with their background.
A: In some cases.
V: Is that why you are the way you are now?
A: I was worse when I was 22, I was a dick. But now I just want to focus on my career.
And you’re not still a dick?
V: That’s a great excuse.
I didn’t want a relationship with this guy and it was obvious, but I guess I was trying to understand his whole front, his whole need to boast this b*llsh*t. He was 25 going on 26 and I was slightly older, and even though he was not that much younger, everything he said carried no weight for me. To me, he was nothing more than a child. And I finally just came up with my own conclusion…
This whole thing was about his ego. His insecurities and his needs. (Not that I didn’t have my own). It was all about the type of women he could get, what he could get them to do, what he could get out of them and how they heightened his own status. It was all about the starting salary he could get at his new job (which was not that great especially after taxes), the ranking of the school he attended (I was like ‘Uh the ranking is in the 30’s and my school was ranked higher- bi-otch’) and that he would give up any attempt at his original goals for settling in a life in sales so he could have a family (Can we say , ‘Aw’?- how ‘bout no. It was so tunnel vision, he wouldn’t even attempt to find a way to do both and it wasn’t even like he was middle-aged). It was just a whole thing about, ‘Look how great I am’ and ‘It’s all about me’. Blegh. Maybe they were right about Generation Y.
The truth is, I think if he had been blunt with me from the beginning and not so “vague”. I would have been fine with the arrangement if he had treated me with respect. It should have been more apparent in the very beginning, not a bait and switch, I think that is what bugs me the most. You present what it is you want and the person can choose to partake or not. Yet, something happens when a guy releases and has, in a word, caught his pray… his decency goes to sh*t. Will there ever be a Casanova that a woman feels justified with?
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