Location: Work/PF Changs/
His place in SM
Website: J-Date.com
I refuse to be on IM. He signs on. He doesn’t chat with me. I refuse to call. The phone will not ring. I will not text. There is no message on my phone.
The game… has begun.
I poll a million people at work and ask how long do they wait before they call a girl they just went out with, these responses vary from a couple days… a few days… than I ask 5 days? Ummmm, no doesn’t sound good.
Than I tell a wise man, Yoda, my plight:
“Forget him.” He says.
“You don’t understand! Do you know how long it has been since I met someone I even like? I mean the date was good! I swear, I know what a good date is and that was good!”
“First base?”
“Yes.”
“Second base?”
“Ummmmm, yes.”
“Third?”
“What’s third again?”
Yoda waves towards the downstairs department.
“No! No. No.” Shaking my head.
“Ok, good. Now listen, I’m going to tell you something… and you can’t ever tell anyone I told you this.”
Nodding. “Ok.”
“Every woman has the power- “
“The power?”
“The Power…,” he whispers inaudibly, “…of the P***y.”
Thinking. “Yes, I concur.”
“Now all women have this power, but they don’t all know how to use it.”
“Yes.”
“Now if you had given it up the first time around… game over.”
“Really?!”
“Yes.”
“But you gave him just enough… probably more than you should have after two dates. So he will want more.”
“But that’s stupid!”
“It is what it is.”
“What?!”
“Now you sure you want to see this guy again?”
“Yes.”
“Ok. Listen. This is what you do…text him: ‘Thinking about you.’ Boop! Dat’s it. Do not call, do not write, do not do anything more than that. If he doesn’t respond by the end of the day, write him off.”
I am embarrassed but I do as Yoda tells me… and it is genius. By late afternoon I have, “Dinner? Maybe a movie?”
I call Yoda, “What do I do?!”
Yoda asks, “Wait, did he text you or call you?
I tell him, “Text.”
He says, “Well, that is kind of rude. Don’t call him.”
I listen and do not call.
Than another text: “Maybe yummy PF Changs? Hmmmmm?”
I call Yoda again and tell him to which he replies, “He must call you.”
I feel…. will power… slipping….Aahhhh… oxytocin winning out: ‘I really do want to do dinner with him… it sounds fun’… my hand rolls over my phone… my fingers begin typing on the number pad…losing…power… texting: Can’t talk right now. Thoughts... justifying… ‘Just being polite’.
And that’s when Aquarius texts me: “Call me when you’re done.”
Boom. Defeated. Aquarius 1. Taurus 0.
He turned it around so that I would have to call HIM.
M*therf@#ker!
Doesn’t call me for 5 days. Texts me the day of for dinner. I look less than my best after working 11 hours and now I have to call HIM?!
I call Yoda and tell him what has happened. He scolds me and says, “You shouldn’t have responded… now it’s his game.”
F@#k!
I don’t know that things would have turned out differently had I listened to the wise Yoda who advised me early on to not give in to poor behavior. But silly naïve little me, gave the benefit of the doubt.
So when I finish up after work, I call him:
“Hey!”
“Hey.” Chewing.
“What are you up to?
Non-chalantly, “Just eating some peanuts.”
“So, what’s going on tonight?”
“You still down to coming out to SM and PF Changs?”
“Sure.”
And here I am all fro-y, non-showered and pretty much cave woman and I go, hoping he will accept my non-date like condition.
I get to PF’s, grab a table and run to the bathroom. I open my purse, and oh thank goodness… a toothbrush! Yes! Toss some water in my fro to smooth it out and take off my turtleneck, which has a tank top underneath.
I get to the seat and he sees me and greets me with a distanced hug. I think, ‘Grrreeeaaaattttt.’
He sits in the booth with me about a foot apart. I think, ‘PPPuuuuurrrfeeectttttt.’
And suddenly we’re strangers again. Like the last two dates never happened.
He continues into weary conversation, about his struggle to write. About how he worked with a life coach to persist and ended up going up to strangers for the purpose of being rejected 15 times and learning to be okay about it. He talked about how he was messed up from his parents being in a car wreck, they ended up being okay, and how he stopped smoking, stopped dating and tried to get his sh*t together. Looking back, he may have been a bit self absorbed, but I took a lot out of that conversation that night and really thought I could help him, which is both my gift and vice. And although to this day, he will never give me the full credit… I know that in many ways, I did help him, but as his friend.
He talks about how he had dinner with his ex recently, who he had been serious with for a year and had ended it, how she moved on and I wonder, ‘Am I about to get left for the ex?’
We have a fun dinner and to my surprise, even though I offer, he picks up another sizable check.
So we go back to his house, play “Heart and Soul” on his piano, as if we are friends.
And somehow we make it back to the bed, as a reminder that this is a date. (F’ing confusing right?) And we’re making out again… and this time he gets the bra-less V, because she happened to wear a tank top with an inside bra that day…
And as I am lying on my stomach on his bed, shirtless and he is laying on his side, shirt less, I flip over to look at him, half my face in the pillow, “So why did you wait 5 days to contact me?”
As he looks at me and smiles, “Now that sounds like an ‘EXPECTATION.’”
I gasp and I flip to my other side and cry, “Ohhhhh nooooooo.”
“So meet anyone else on J-date yet?”
I go, shaking my head ‘No’, “Uh uh, no YOU,” turn around and point like he is the perpetrator.
He says, “Okay, if you’re asking if I am seeing other people, than the answer is yes. One I was supposed to meet up with this last Wednesday but she flaked, I met her before you. And there was one that I met once, but these are really nothing.”
“Soooooo, what does that mean?”
“It means, I like you as a person and I enjoy your company. This is just for fun.”
As I take the pillow and cover my naked chest in front of a person I thought I was beginning to know and suddenly did not anymore, “And what does that mean?”
“Well, you know how people usually go out and they eventually become boyfriend and girlfriend…?”
“Yessssss…?”
“This may not happen…”
I’m looking for my clothes now. “Because you don’t want a relationship…?”
“Hmmmmm…”
“I don’t understand.”
He takes a piece of paper and begins to diagram the circumstances. I really don’t understand what the f@#k he is drawing as I am still half naked with a pillow covering me and my head is imploding with serious confusion, disappointment and hurt.
He says, “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. You know, we can continue to hang out…maybe till we find other people…?”
“I just don’t know if you can give me what I need,” I say soberly.
“Well, what do you need?” And even now, I really don’t know why he asks me this as if he cares.
“I need respect…”
“Okay…”
“Physical expression…”
“Yes…”
“Affection…”
“Yes…”
“…and loyalty.”
“Now see… that’s the issue. The question is do we continue…?”
“Or do we stop.”
He’s silent.
“I’m gonna have to chew on that.” An expression I borrowed from my old Southern Christian boyfriend.
I gather my clothes, my thoughts and the rest of my dignity and have him drive me to my car at 3AM on a Thursday night/Friday morning, am so dumbstruck that I accidentally miss the 405, but drive from SM to the SFV and get up 3 hours later to drive to work.
I chew. But plan never to call him again nor hear from him. To this day, I am not sure if that would have been better, as that was not the case…
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment