Oopsie! Ya fell!

Codename: Aquarius

Location: His place/ Sushi place

Website: Jdate.com

It is never easy to cut ties.

Sometimes asking a girl’s POV, their sense is usually very black and white, many of my gal pals suggested going cold turkey. But when you have an addiction, it’s not so easy.

I was addicted to the oxytocin, the chemical produced in our brain primarily responsible for the feeling of love. I felt like I had maxed out Yoda, Robex, Valpal and IVY.

But one suggestion that actually made sense for my situation was from S.T.

“Maybe try to wean yourself off the situation.”

“Huh?”

“You know see him less and less, till you just don’t see him anymore.”

“Good idea.”

Superego: Let’s hope it works.

It had been a little while since I had last seen Aquarius. He would IM me and I would ignore him. It was hard, but I knew ultimately that was what I had to do.

Until… just before his birthday.

The f#$ked up thing was, I knew it was going to be his birthday, because he had it previously posted on his profile… and he simply would not tell me what day it was… because he did not want me to know.

I consulted my best friend GK via IM.

V: What if I messenger him cookies or something?

GK: No. Too much.

V: Than I should just ignore it?

GK: Um, well if he didn’t tell you…

V: But I’m not an a$$hole, what if I just send an e-card?

GK: I guess you could do that.

Aquarius: Hey

What’s up?

V: F#$k. He’s IMing me.

GK: Ignore him.

V: I have, but I feel really bad.

V: Hey

I got my physical yesterday. Took a test. I’m clean.

Aquarius: Oh yeah?

V: Yup. When was the last time you took a test?

Aquarius: Like last year with my physical.

V: Are you gonna take one?

Aquarius: I could. Hold on….

I’m on the phone with the doctor now.

V: Seriously, he’s saying he is on with his doctor right now to set up an STD test.

GK: HA LIAR!

Aquarius: All set. I’m going in.

V: How long did he say the results would take?

Aquarius: Not sure, but I think after 48 hours if you don’t hear anything you’re cool.

V:  He must be thinking if he takes this test on the double, I’ll just tumble into bed.

GK: Oopsie! Ya fell!

V: HAHAHA

The Next Day.

Aquarius: I’m clean!

V: Cool.

Aquarius: I have to shoot this video for work this weekend. Do you maybe want to grab some sushi later?

V: Tonight? I wish you had let me known in advance.

Aquarius: I know, but this is more fun.

V: I’ll think about it.

Aquarius: Ok, let me know.

V: Kill me

GK: You didn’t.

V: I did.

GK: You gave in to last minute plans.

V: Sort of… not yet.

GK: Well… have fun.

V: Thanks. I’m weaning off, don’t worry. I can’t quit cold turkey. Too painful.

GK: Do what you got to do.

I texted Aquarius by the time I got off of work.

‘We can meet at my house’ he wrote.

‘Of course we can meet at your house’ I thought.

Than I had one of those thoughts, that even though this guy had seriously f#$ked around with my mind, I still had feelings for him and knew that I would have to stop seeing him very soon. This would be one of those last times and than it would be me not knowing him anymore. So I wanted to try to have fun. I wanted it to be special.

So I bought another f#$king dress at Forever 21. J#sus.

But I will have you know… I was late… on purpose. Took my damn time.

And I looked f#$king good in that dress.

So I made my way down. My phone was dying so there was no way to tell him I was running late… maybe he would assume I’d stand him up. ‘Good… keep that a#$hole guessing, worst case scenario I get in my car and go home.’

I made my way up the apartment stairs. Knocked on the door and when it opened I saw…

Candles. Lit. All over his apartment.

I was dumbstruck. F#$king dumbstruck.

“You look sexy.” He said.

Superego: Holy Jesus Saint Santa Maria… he’s trying to seduce us.

Ego: OMG that is soooooo sweet!

Id: Mega OMGs! Yay! (Ego and Id jump up and down screaming)

He puts his arm around me to hug me. “Sorry just got back from the gym.”

“Um, actually I have an odd request…”

“Yeah?”

“I kind of feel yucky, can I use the shower?”

Smiles. “Definitely. I’ll get you a towel.”

Superego: Well I’ll be damned… we’re a f#$king b#$ch to this guy and he’s turns into f#$kng Romeo.

As he hands me the towel, “Should I join you?”

I laugh with a coy smile, “Um no.”

“Private time?”

I laugh again and nod, “Yes.”

I am completely dumbfounded at this point how he has gone from a#$ to nice guy. I truly needed the shower, it calmed me down, made me feel relaxed so I could go into this situation with an open mind and I realized… I might be having sex with him that night.

Aquarius had himself cleaned up. And he had on his… glasses.

I had gone from steaming angry to relinquishing my defenses… and I wondered if I was crazy for being angry or if he simply had this power over me. ‘F#$k it, I’m just going to go with it.’

He was on the phone with his buddy Skinny Playa, “Yeah, me and V are just going to grab some sushi.”

When he was off he said, “My birthday is Friday.”

“Oh,” I replied aloof. I went up to him and put my hands behind his head and kissed him. “Happy Birthday.”

We made our way to the Sushi place… which was filled with Valentine’s Day décor. AAAKKKKKWAAAARRRRDDDDD.

Aquarius was beginning to turn Aquarius again, like any expectation of emotion was like kryptonite.

We had a really fun dinner. Sushi and Fried Ice Cream. And this time he paid. I was taken aback. Why the hell had it just gone from one extreme to another? Perhaps it was because I was distancing myself and he knew it and out of some insane psychological need… he was just trying to pull me back in.

We went back to his house, watched a movie and I put my feet under his legs. For a minute there… I thought I was in the clear. He hadn’t made his move.

Than he went to the room. When he came back, I was lying down on the couch and he playfully jumped on me and kissed me. This progressed. He took me to his bedroom. He had gotten me out of my dress, I had my undergarments still on.

Superego: Oopsie! Ya fell!

I held back. I didn’t want my brain to explode again by giving away the only control I had. I couldn’t do it. It would have hurt worse had I gone forward. He felt it too. We stopped after awhile.

He drove me to my car. “Be safe.” He said.

I giggled and kissed him. “You remembered!”

He pointed to his head, “It learns.”

And I drove home. Still set on weaning but less attached. I was in a steady place. I only hoped I could stay there. I still couldn’t believe it. No one had ever lit candles for me before. At that point he was so odd to me, I didn’t think I would ever understand it.