Location: His place SM/Houston’s/Friend’s House
“This skirt is f#$king sexy.” He said.
Aquarius made his way on top of me in a high straddle, his hands slightly lifting my skirt…
Not V's pic... but V's legs are way hotter
I covered my face from embarrassment.
His hands inched up my legs, to my outer thighs, right for my a**, which he apparently liked. He than came over me and we started making out.
When it got to the point where I had ended up straddled on top of him (fully clothed of course;)), I squeezed him with my arms and legs tight, as if in a wrestler’s hug, as a signal that I needed us to stop.
The make-out session was in a different place. I felt closeness, but didn’t know if I could trust it.
I knew I couldn’t have sex with him at this point.
I was already far too gone and I knew it.
I really liked him.
And I was sad because I knew this could really suck for me.
V’s PSYCHE:
Superego: I knew you weren’t ready for this.
Id: Leave her alone! She’s embracing life! That’s what it’s all about. What do you expect her to do? Knit scarves at home and be a cat lady?
Superego: Yes. That’s exactly it, I want her to knit scarves for her kittens. They’re cuter and more affectionate. And they don’t pull this type of bullsh#t.
Ego: Stop it!
“Stop it!”
Ego: Oh my God, did I just say that out loud?
“Okay!”
Ego: Fuuuuuu$$$$$$k… I totally just did.
“I mean if we’re going to have dinner… we should get going. Where to?”
“Houston’s?”
“Perfect!”
Aquarius really loved going to Houston’s. I didn’t figure that out till much later; it really was a nice restaurant… and I was paying for it.
Superego: You have got to be kidding me.
Ego: Hey I said that I would, and in a way it will even things out, it means I am not obligated to do anything I do not want to do. And hey, he did pay for all those other dinners.
Id: See that! Embracing Women’s Lib, right there.
Superego: Look, she’s got to make sure the guy is invested first before she starts handing out the popsicles. That’s how the male-female dance works. And so far, this is a no go.
Id: The male-female dance involves a friendship, a give and take…
Ego: No look, I am turning this around, right now. Watch…
As Aquarius sipped his Roman coke I asked, “Um so can you just clarify for me, you spoke of this soup. So…. what kind of soup are we?” Are we chicken soup? Are we French onion…?”
Superego: J*sus Christ. Santa Maria. Give me guidance… that’s how you propose turning this around?”
Aquarius shook his head in a very confused manner, “I don’t know.”
Superego: He’s f#$king around with you. Can’t you see that?! He can’t even give you a direct answer.
Id: Look, maybe he’s as confused as she is. Maybe he is really being honest. Maybe he really doesn’t know.
Ego: You guys are killing me. Just let me handle this conversation.
“I mean…this is not platonic.” Our eyes connected.
“No,” His eyes connected back. “But you really do like these questions.” His eyes pulled away and looked at the bread in front of them as he grabbed one and took a bite.
“These are questions I have to ask.”
“Well I mean certainly, and I’m happy to talk about it with you. I mean I really appreciate the communication here. I’ve been in situations where there’s no communication. Communication is what you and I share.” He put his hand on a napkin and I worried he might draw me another YOU/ME demo.
I put my hand as a motion to stop. “Just do me a favor and don’t draw me another f#$kin’ diagram.”
“I mean, every time we have met it has been consistently inconsistent. We meet. We have dinner. We have a conversation. We make out.”
“And don’t you plan this?”
“That’s just it, I never plan it. It just happens. Kind of like last time we ate at PF Chang’s and you and I played the piano. It’s just what happens, there’s no name for it.”
Superego: Ohhhhh he’s good. Look how he spins it.
“So when you have me come over to your place, you don’t try to get me into bed with you?”
“No. Like I told you last time. I’m fine if we don’t have sex.”
“But I want to.”
“Well, that’s great.”
“But you gotta be strait with me. Can you do that?”
“I haven’t lied to you.”
Superego: Omission is a lie buddy.
“Okay.”
Dinner was great. It was fun. I was feeling less conflicted, I was letting things unfold. His friends called to debate between bowling and playing board games and even though Aquarius actually agreed that bowling might be better, we lost a phone game of rock paper scissors.
Board games it was… with his friends… who I had never met… and here I was stuck in some kind of f#$king “soup”.
“Just do me a favor, don’t introduce me as your ‘friend’, that’s just insulting.”
“Than what do you want me to say?”
“Say: This is V.”
“Okay.”
“Do they know we met online?”
“Well… yeah.”
Id: Well, see! His friends know that he’s dating her and she’s meeting them. It’s gotta be a good sign.
Superego: HAHA… Deeeee-nial!
“Greeaaattttt. This should be interesting.”
As we pulled up to the apartment in SM and Aquarius stopped the car, he leaned over and kissed me.
Superego: He’s trying to throw you off base by breaking the pattern! (Looking around) Where the f#$k is my vodka? This girl just doesn’t listen to reason!
Id: (Slides over the glass) Here ya go.
Of course, my response by kissing back and wanting to linger… made him pull away.
Superego: (Gulps it down) F#$ker.
I did my best to put my friendliest face forward. I didn’t want anything said behind my back to deter from the fact that I was a nice person. I mean, meeting the guy you’re seeing’s friends is kind of a big deal. If they don’t like you… you’re f#$ked.
As he introduced me to his friend and his friend's girlfriend, he said, “This is my-mhh,” he covered his mouth catching himself, “V.”
With all the others I just went to shake their hand and introduce myself.
His friends were cordial. Not really overly friendly to me. F#$k.
Believe it or not, Aquarius was actually a great date. He was on my team. He gave me a pillow. He brought me water.
In these situations, when you gotta be “on”, you can’t really cut through it and be yourself because you’re so scared that you’ll make a bad impression. Last thing I wanted to do was look like the idiot crazy girl Aquarius met online, because that wasn’t me. I wanted to be the smart, nice, stand-up girl, a girl you liked and respected.
I ended being the overly serious girl who spoke really loudly.
“You have ten seconds to draw the clue in front of you.” His friend read.
“Here, V you draw.”
“I CAN’T DRAW!” My eyes are wide in fear of being the social pariah.
Looking at me like I’m nuts, “V, don’t worry about it.”
I read the clue: CAST AWAY.
I draw an island.
Someone yells out, “SURVIVOR!”
I shake my head no. I draw a volleyball with a smiley face.
“Tom Hanks!” Aquarius yells out.
I shake my head yes and then no.
I draw a box like a cinema screen but it looks just like a box.
“Oh sh#t, what was the name of that movie?”
“Damn.”
“Time’s up.”
I then open my mouth, “Cast Away.”
No points for us.
“Ohhhhhhhh”
“Ahhhhhhh”
“Dammmmnnn”
As we walked out of the apartment, he said, “Well, that went well.”
Ego: It doesn’t make any sense you guys. We’re dating in the open, he introduced me to his friends, he’s an attentive date in front of other people and we haven’t had sex… I don’t get what he’s doing. I’m stumped.
Superego: (hiccups and puts the vodka down) He’s keeping it casual.
Ego: Than why doesn’t he just use that term. Why is he so confusing?
Id: He’s unique!
Superego: (slaps Id) No! (Hiccups) It means he’s keeping control of the game. Sometimes he gives her the ball and she has it, but than he quickly takes it back.
Id: (weeps a little, rubbing cheek) You didn’t have to do that, I just see the good in people.
Ego: You guys, I don’t like this game.
Superego: So quit.
Id and Ego: (Look at one another, raise their fists in the air) NEVER!
Aquarius did the per usual drive me to my car bit… with NO good night kiss.
I guess I had officially lowered my expectations. It was still his game. And I had no idea how to get it back.
.jpg)
