The Clinger

Codename: Clinger

Location: The Grove

Website: Okcupid.com

Aquarius was out of the picture. Work was going well.

But that simply was not enough. I couldn’t believe it. I f**king missed him! I missed his crazy dates and our crazy attraction. I missed his IMs and his texts. I had done what everyone had told me to do and I was regretting it, wondering if I had made the right choice.

All of my in-town friends were always busy. There was nothing to do but go back into the field.

JDate was not enough. I began to brave the Okcupid.com which at first seemed fun and was free, filling out these silly questionnaires… until someone Im’d me…

Clinger was cute. He was flirtatious. He was an east coaster and a computer programmer.  He had even gotten my LA Story reference in my profile. And he rode a motorcycle- kind of a sexy prospect right? So when he suggested we meet, it made sense. And it would get my mind off stupid Aquarius.

Now the thing was… Clinger kept im’ing me. “Hey!” “Hi there!” “Miss me?”

Clinger alert. Red Flag.

But I just let it pass didn’t I?

I met him at Barnes & Noble, I was really reluctant to meet him, but I said to myself, ‘Give it a chance V’.

As I got off the escalator he walked toward me with his helmet in his hand. He was wearing a leather jacket and a backpack.

I wanted to run in the other direction… but it was too late, so I was giving it a chance.

I asked him where he wanted to go and in an earnest country boy sort of way, not charming, but dependent, “That is completely up to you.”

Ugh. He was making me do all the work. Some guys don’t get this. No woman wants the guy to always have control, but he should have a plan or suggestions, meet the girl halfway if he doesn’t have a clue.

And this guy had NO clue. He hadn’t even done any homework. Not impressive.

Even a guy with no clue asks his friends for suggestions, “Where do we go? What do you think?”

He had nothing.

Alright, Johnny Rockets it was.

So it began… the point game…

We started to talk about commonalities.

We’re Jewish, well alright cool, not that it matters to me. No points awarded here, I don’t date based on that.

He was not totally academic in High School but had done Academic Decathlon. Points.

He had done the same competition I had done in school. Points.

He got into college solely on his SAT score. Alright, he’s getting up there. More points.

He had gotten kicked out of private school. RAWR! Bad Boy. Double points.

Then he turned it around and in a very interrogative and near hostile tone, “What are you passionate about? What drives you?”

Insane hostile alert. Red flag.

Perhaps if he had been listening when I went at length about my love of theatre and the arts, perhaps he could have derived that from that piece of information.

Minus a lot of points.

Then we started talking about past relationships. He told me the story about how his ex-girlfriend cheated on him. He sounded bitter. I understood it, but the tone of his bitter waved…

Insecure alert. Red Flag.

At this point, why didn’t I end the date? Ugh, I was being nice. I got sucked into an actual meal on a first online date and at this point I could not get out. This above all people is why you discuss doing something like drinks or coffee first when meeting someone online. Always have an out! If it transitions to a meal, great, but first meetings from online, avoid being trapped!

Then he turned the conversation to sex and for some reason, I became intrigued, it was the least boring thing he had said all evening.

He paid. I respected that. I offered to tip, he said, “You can buy me Pinkberry.” Again in that control hostile tone, like he expected things from me. Blechy.

Alright, buying the Pinkberry, that’s fair and then I’ll get out of here.

We continued to converse, he appeared really interested in me. I was giving it a chance, but I could tell… I was NOT interested. He started talking about his computer programming and then he pulled a guy move.

He switched seats so that he could sit next to me.

Sh*t.

I just went with it at this point. Maybe all I needed was to feed into this guy and forget about Aquarius. Maybe that was why I had no interest in this guy.

He made a move and kissed me.

I said, ‘F*ck it’ and just went with it.

We’re making out in the Pinkberry at this point.

He pulls away and says, “Wow,” as if this guy just met his soul mate.

F*ck.

But he really knows what he’s doing so I don’t stop. He suggests we get out of there.

We’re walking and then he pulls me aside and begins making out again with me hard core and brushes his hand upside on my tummy beneath my shirt, which actually was a bold move but for some reason… it worked.

I know in my head that I absolutely have to end this and go to my car.

Then as we’re walking he holds my hand and says, “You’re the type of girl I’ve been looking for.”

Uh-oh. OMG. Uh-oh. OMG. Clinger!

Alright. Breath. Give it a chance. Let’s see, obviously there’s some physical chemistry…

I’m going to go back to my car, so he goes in for the kiss and we’re making out again… and I am going with it and his hand/tummy move really is working out for him when he suggests, “Let’s go back to my place.”

Red Alert. Bad Move. Red Alert. Bad Move. 

Not only was this possibly going to escalate, I had just met the guy… online… and he had already sounded like he was going to freakin’ marry me… I didn’t know him at all… and I was going back to his place?!

And for some reason, whether it had been forever I had crazy physical interaction with a man or I was just trying to get past the Aquarius situation, like most dudes do when they move on, I manned up and said, “Okay.”

 To be continued…

Come back Wednesday for the second half on confessionsofaV…