The Ex-Alike Factor

Codename:Alabama

Location: Aroma Café

Website: Nerve.com

I had never ventured on the Nerve.com personals before but a friend of mine had and since it was unexplored territory, I looked into it.

The guys on it were older, like 30s and 40s older and I wasn’t encountering as many 20-something peers in the Los Angeles area. Yet they seemed educated, well accomplished smart types, which is what I was after.

So while I wasn’t getting the crazy in-box action that I was getting on POF and JDate.com, Alabama finally reached out to me.

Now sometimes when you meet people you wonder why you gravitate toward their type. Alabama eerily reminded me of my Ex-Southern Christian BF who had been born in Kentucky. Same type of hair, same type of Southern earnestness and a tendency to desire more emotional investment (hey this is what I got off his profile- I’ve been online dating for awhile- I can pick up on this stuff!) He also reminded me of some of the men in my family, which for me is a subconscious warning sign… those men in my family are nuts.

Alabama was 10 years older than me. Now while I had went out with someone briefly (who I haven’t talked about yet but don’t worry- you’ll find out ;) who had that type of age gap, Alabama seemed nice over IM so I had to ask, could I ever really have a relationship with someone who was that much older? Socially, do we even speak the same language?

He was an illustrator in the movie biz and was in the know of some funny pop-culture stuff. He also had been dating divorcee mommy types- which I thought was intriguing enough to ask about- but Alabama was honorable enough not to kiss and tell.

So when I agreed to meet Alabama for coffee at Aroma café, I had that wonder- should I have talked with him on the phone first? It wouldn’t have mattered because honestly when I met Alabama, while he looked like his pictures on his profile, he actually looked A LOT older than his photos. Tooth gap, slight receding hairline, crow’s feet. He didn’t look 36 to me; he looked more like in his 40s.

Alabama was a nice guy. He even suggested grabbing dinner, but I already knew I didn’t have the energy and I already had an inkling that it might not work out. Although out of all my online dates, he was the most impressive in talent, he actually drew me a puppy in a field UPSIDE DOWN in a matter of 5 minutes.

I really tried to give this a shot. He had that Southern charm I like so much and was very sweet. Thoughts crossed my mind like: Can I introduce someone that looks like they’re in their 40s when I still look like I belong in high school… to my parents? Can I take Alabama to work parties? If this doesn’t turn into a relationship do I want to have wild and crazy sex with this guy?

The answer: No.

Such a catch-22 when you meet someone who might be able to give you the things you’re looking for and not be attracted to them. But when that person reminds you of your Ex maybe it’s just as well.